Broken bloodline

April 18, 2013 7:20pm

Depressed. I belong in a family that's utterly broken. A few months ago, my brother left the house very angrily and bitterly, after an especially horrible shouting match with my mother. Yes, he was always the blacksheep of the family. For some reason, he thought of himself as severely mistreated. Until 2 days ago, I thought he was just being his usual selfish, big-headed self. But then, after unearthing his journal from the stuff he left, I realized I didn't see him very clearly. Yes, he was bad-tempered, but in his journal, he kept saying that "I'm not such a bad guy". He was apparently very heartbroken during his last years of college life because of his now-girlfriend Anna. My parents didn't even know, and didn't even bother to ask him.

I had always been afraid for my brother. What if my parent's razor-sharp insults cause him to resort to suicide? Would he ever find love someday? He had always felt detached from our family, and always kept a safe distance. I could relate to him, of course. I was also the same as him, yearning for attention, affection and approval from my parents, who seem to always have problems with us, their children. I was eager to please them, however, so I reveled in a world of my own til I was.. well, I guess up to now. I didn't want to add anymore problems to my parent's bucketlist of complaints, so I didn't ask for any sort of trivial advice/guidance. guess that's why I turned out weird.

Anyway, so my brother left the house. We, his siblings, were sort of happy he left, because he was always the cause of my parent's "heartbreaks". We went out more, spent more time as a family.

Except for me.

Truthfully told, it's been a year since my father and I exchanged words. Yes. We live in the same house but I ignore him and he ignores me. Pretty standard.

Why? Well. Exactly a year ago, it happened again.

He punched me multiple times on the face.

That wasn't the first time it happened. I'm sort of used to being beat up. My brother did it to me, and my dad does it to me a lot. It's really one of the main reasons I'm tomboyish. Oh yeah. And also why I don't trust men. No, i'm not a lesbian. I have a boyfriend.

So I had enough. He was never gonna change. And I swore from that day on, I will never have a father in my life again.

2 broken relationships. My brother left the house, and I've long since become detached as well.

As if that isn't enough, just 3 days ago, my sister walked out the house too.

I'm depressed. My sister is my bestfriend.

I even cleaned and re-decorated our room for her so she would be happy to be back. But she never came back, and now she's asking me to do what my brother tells me to do whenever he comes back to CDO.

"Lorry, pwede nimu ihatud akung mga sinina karun? Kita lang ta sa mcdo. Bayaran tika."

asdfghjkl so tired of this life. i wanna get outta this house!

but i'm enduring because I feel sorry for my mom.

Lorry xx